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The original article is not provided in your request. However, assuming you want a sample on how to improve an English paragraph, I will create one based on a hypothetical topic.
Original:
s need water for survival. Each day, the body loses water through evaporation and perspiration. Thus, drinking water becomes essential as it helps replenish lost fluid levels in our bodies. Water not only keeps us hydrated but also plays critical roles in many bodily functions such as mntning blood pressure, transporting nutrients to cells and flushing out waste products from the body.
Improved:
Essential for survival, water sustns life by replenishing vital fluid stores within our bodies each day through processes like evaporation and perspiration. Drinking water is thus not merely a simple act but an integral part of mntning optimal physiological function across multiple bodily systems. Beyond merely quenching thirst, this ubiquitous solvent serves as a linchpin in sustning countless facets of our health: it helps stabilize blood pressure, enables the efficient transportation of nutrients to every cell within our complex organisms, and facilitates the elimination of waste products through metabolic processes vital for overall wellbeing.
Explanation:
In the improved version:
Clarity and Flow: The language is streamlined with more active and descriptive verbs 'sustns', 'replenishing', 'stabilizes', etc. which adds clarity to the paragraph.
Enhanced Descriptiveness: More vivid descriptions are added ubiquitous solvent, complex organisms providing a richer, deeper understanding of water's role in our bodies.
Rephrasing: Phrases like critical roles and flushing out waste products have been replaced with more specific actions that pnt clearer pictures.
Conciseness: The paragraph avoids unnecessary repetition water not only keeps us hydrated, mntns blood pressure by phrasing statements more succinctly.
This method can be applied to any piece of writing, especially when ming to improve clarity and flow while enhancing the descriptive power.
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Waters Vital Role in Human Survival Replenishing Fluid Levels Naturally Importance of Drinking Water Daily Water for Blood Pressure Maintenance Transporting Nutrients Through Solvent Eliminating Waste Products Efficiently